Hi! This is Bobbi and I hope you’re doing great! And if not, my wish for you is that you do whatever it takes to realize just how worth it YOU are. On that note, today I’m talking about something that kills more dreams, and possibly people, than just about anything else. Self sabotage.
I always offer a free 30 minute strategy call with potential clients to see if we are a good fit to work together.
More times than not, when I speak to someone that first time I hear a version of “I sabotage myself, my success.”
Sabotage is one of those words that comes with it’s own gut wrenching pain. It’s BIG. It’s HEAVY. It’s DEBILITATING. Sabotaging self talk says “Second guess me, I’m scary, I dare you.” And you know what, that voice usually wins. It’s sad.
I want to tell you a story about a woman, her story is not gender specific, men & women are often feeling these things, many on a daily basis. Her story goes like this…. Let’s call her Jane.
Imagine, Jane, a single woman trying to get ahead in life and be fiscally responsible, she lives frugally, she helps others, she is a good person. As part of her strategy, she sets an alert on her bank account to text whenever her checking balance reaches $900 or less. Jane doesn’t want to have to pay those high over draft fees and check bouncing fees, so this is a good thing. She’s being responsible and proactive. But then, she gets those texts every day. 7:30 am beep. Every single day, below $900.
Now, Jane’s rent is double that $900, so it’s not good news. She manages to stay one step ahead of going into negative balance territory, but it’s exhausting. Her total monthly living expenses are far above that $900 limit, so even being a bit above the limit is terrible news.
Today, Jane’s phone beeps at 7:30, it’s the bank. Her balance today is $72.21 and it’s not even the middle of the month yet. Her first thought when she opened that text, “Well, that’s it. I might as well give up.” She sits there, quietly. What would giving up look like anyway? Homelessness, suicide, some sort of illegal activity, what? Giving up is never a viable option.
She’s tired. Really tired. The saddest part about Jane’s story is that she’s intelligent, educated, kind, loving and capable of reaching ANY GOAL she sets her mind to. At the very moment she receives that text, $72.21, she has at least 4 maybe 5 things that she can do right now to create an income stream that doesn’t require learning a new skill or adding in a part time job. Jane has options – the million dollar (literally million dollar) question is why doesn’t she just DO SOMETHING. Do any one of those 4 or 5 things that would relieve her pain? It sounds crazy, but it’s not. It’s more common that you may realize.
When you are in the habit of self sabotage because you, subconsciously don’t think you’re worth anything, it’s a challenge to see clearly. Even if you, or Jane, do take action, quitting right before the pay off is the likely outcome, adding to the downward spiral and reinforcing the behavior that says you’re not worth much.
The problem isn’t the thought, it’s that you believe it.
I know how terrifying it can be when things look like they just might actually work out this time and it’s not something you’ve really ever experienced before. You think, can I handle it, what if I mess it up, what if people laugh at me, or bully me, what if, what if, what if….
So, you retreat into your unconscious pattern to escape the uncomfortable feeling of all the what ifs, the fear of the unknown. And the cycle continues.
The funny thing about self sabotage is that it’s sneaky. You feel scared or overwhelmed so maybe you just lay down to ‘rest’ and stop doing whatever it is you were doing that worked, if you’ve been working on losing weight and you’re doing great, you may take your last 5 bucks and buy alcohol or Oreos and eat your feelings & end up driving the scale back up. Maybe you take to Facebook or Instagram, scrolling endlessly comparing yourself to the edited & fake highlights just to confirm that you aren’t good enough. Some people take that little bit of money and go shopping. There’s lots of ways to quit on yourself until you’re back in your comfort zone – in the land of life is hard, why do I do this to myself, I’m a loser…
You see, there isn’t anything wrong with Jane or any of us who are stuck in this pattern. Because that’s all it is, a PATTERN. A HABIT. Think of it like this, you’re on autopilot, just like your thermostat.
You set your thermostat to 68 degrees, when it’s below 68 the heat kicks on. When it hits 68, the heat turns off. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Unless YOU change the temperature.
If you struggle like Jane, whether it’s money, weight, relationships, afraid to get ahead at work, whatever it is – it’s all just old patterning. And here’s what to do about it…
The very minute, the second, you REALIZE you’ve gone to autopilot, unconscious behavior pattern, STOP WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING! Just stop. If you’re laying down, get up. If you’re about to eat the oreos or drink the wine, throw it out. If you are shopping and money is your challenge, WALK out of the store.
Change your scenery. Take a walk, or take slow deep breaths in and out for 5 minutes. Call someone. Distract yourself with a different response, a positive response. You need to break the pattern. Now, FEEL how that feeling of good choices FEELS. You have a sense of pride and it feels good. You just won!
Sabotage can be a great teacher. When you beat it, it shows you that you are strong, you are a problem solver, you are worth only good things!
It will take practice. It will be uncomfortable But it will grow you. Breaking old habit patterns isn’t a one and done journey, you’ll have to do it over and over until, one day, you don’t! It’s gone!
Do it for yourself, you are worth it my friend.
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If you’re ready to break your negative habits, whether it’s for weight loss, stress or you just need to make a change, call me at 310-927-1305 and let’s talk. I work with clients all over the country via zoom and in my Los Angeles office.